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Old 02-28-2022, 12:26 PM
  #126  
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What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor.
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Old 02-28-2022, 12:29 PM
  #127  
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Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"
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Old 03-01-2022, 11:55 AM
  #128  
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Lightbulb

A physics professor would fail any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet.

After working on his report all night, a physics major accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor.

When he got to class the next morning, he panicked and threw the report at the professor at close to the speed of light!

He got a B+.
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Old 03-02-2022, 12:30 PM
  #129  
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Wink

I was driving my son to pre-school and he was having fun making dinosaur sounds.

"ROAR!" he yelled.

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked.

"T Rex!"

Then he said, "HONK!"

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Triceratops," he said.

"Why does a Triceratops honk?"

And he said, "Because it has horns!"
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Old 03-04-2022, 01:19 PM
  #130  
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What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A Do-you-think-he-saurus
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Old 03-05-2022, 12:13 PM
  #131  
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Lightbulb

Know what really killed the dinosaurs?
TNT!

That's why it's called Dino-mite!!
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Old 03-06-2022, 12:52 PM
  #132  
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How do you blow up a dinosaur?

With Dinomite.
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Old 03-07-2022, 12:30 PM
  #133  
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An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.

"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".

"I'll have a Campari," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"

The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for you, sir?" he asks the third man.

"I'm just wondering how I got here," the etiologist replies.
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Old 03-07-2022, 12:31 PM
  #134  
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After the dinosaurs died out, mammals became the dominant life form.

Unlike dinosaurs, which had scales and feathers, mammals are covered in fur.

I guess you could say things got a little bit hairy after the asteroid hit.
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Old 03-08-2022, 01:42 PM
  #135  
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'Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective.'

'You're still late,' replied my boss.
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Old 03-09-2022, 12:29 PM
  #136  
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Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.
He finally arrived apologizing profusely.

Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."

Host: "It's about time."

Einstein: "And space!"
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Old 03-09-2022, 12:30 PM
  #137  
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A man told my wife that he thought the electrical items in their house were spying on them.
“Nonsense” she said.

He laughed. She laughed. Siri laughed. Alexa laughed. The microwave oven laughed.
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Old 03-10-2022, 11:26 AM
  #138  
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What's the best paradox?

A stormtrooper from Star Wars shooting at a red shirt from Star Trek.

One can't hit anything and the other won't dodge.
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Old 03-10-2022, 11:29 AM
  #139  
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If you laid every atom in the sun end to end, it would be roughly 3.0818632e+23 times the width of the universe, or roughly 1.1701458e+43 light years.

That value nearly approximates that of your mother...
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Old 03-26-2022, 01:35 PM
  #140  
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I was talking to my physics professor the other day, and some theoretical work he did with tachyons came up.

A tachyon travels faster than light, and in order to use some of the math from special relativity, one had to define what he called "perplex numbers"--numbers with negative absolute value.

He said that since we can talk about complex numbers in terms of the imaginary unit i, we could talk about perplex numbers using a similar thing.

I said, "What, an absolute unit."
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Old 03-29-2022, 12:22 PM
  #141  
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Arrow

Vin Diesel was riding his bike at the speed of light when a man asked him for a lift.

Vin Diesel stopped for him to hop on and continued riding at the speed of light.

After a while the man asked.

Man: "So what's your name?"

Vin: "Cin Diesel"

Man: "Don't you mean Vin Diesel?"

Vin: "No it's Cin Diesel"

Man: "But why?"

Vin: "Because at the speed of light c=v"
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Old 03-31-2022, 01:59 PM
  #142  
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Proof that Santa doesnít exist

There are about 2 billion children on earth. But Santa does not have to visit Muslims, Hindus, Jews or Buddhists, which reduces the number to 15% or 378 million.

Thus, with a world average of 3.5 children per household, there are 108 million households to visit if we can assume that there are at least one nice child in each home.

Because of the different time zones and rotation of the earth, Santa Claus has about 3.5 hours to work, assuming he travels westward, which makes the most sense.

He thus visits 967.7 homes per second. This means that for every Christian home with at least one nice child, Santa has about 1/1000 s to park the sledge, run out and jump down the chimney, divide Christmas presents, say Ho Ho Ho, eat the porridge, up through the chimney again, in the sledge and off to the next house.

If we assume that all homes to be visited are evenly distributed, it is approximately 1km between each house on average. Visits to bathroom and other breaks not included, the sledge flies at approximately 1000 km per second In comparison, it is mentioned that the fastest craft man so far created, the Ulysseus spacecraft, travels about 50 km per second. As an anecdote, we can mention that the normal reindeer can come up at a speed of about 30 km per hour.

The load in the sled is another interesting topic. If we assume that each child receives presents corresponding to 1 kg, the sledge has a load of 500,000 tonnes, the weight of Santa not included. On land, a normal reindeer can carry about 200 kg. Even if we assume that the special flying reindeer can draw a weight ten times this, the sled will not come out of the spot unless the pilot provides approximately 360,000 reluctant reindeers. This will give the sledge a total weight of approximately 600,000 tonnes.

600,000 tons, flying at 1,000km per second, produce enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeers, much like a meteorite that enters the earth's atmosphere.

The two leader reindeers will then absorb an energy equivalent to 14 300 trillion Joule per sec, or 14 300 trillion watt. The leaders will simply burn up immediately and the back will be exposed to a bang when the air barrier breaks and then burn themselves up. All the reindeers will meet their ancestors in less than 4.26 million seconds, i.e., when the pilot reaches his fifth house.

However, this is hypothetical, because when the sleigh accelerates from 0 to 1000 km / s in 1/1000 seconds, all of the sleigh will be exposed to a G-force 17500 times greater than gravity. If Santa weighs approximately 150 kg (weight estimated according to existing copies), he will be stuck in the back of the sled, corresponding to a weight of approximately 3 million kg, which would immediately crush each bone in his body and turn him into a wet spot.

The conclusion should be that if Santa ever lived, he is definitely dead now.
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Old 04-02-2022, 01:26 PM
  #143  
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Exclamation

The speed of light, e, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar.
The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink quite quickly, as usual.

Then (-1)^1/2 goes to the bar and orders a drink and e flips out.
The square root of -1 asks e what's wrong.
He says, "I came in here first and you just went in front of me!"
(-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's i before e except after c!
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Old 04-02-2022, 01:27 PM
  #144  
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What do you call attempting to jump to light speed before checking the hyperdrive first?
A Wookie mistake!
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Old 04-03-2022, 12:55 PM
  #145  
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I know a joke about spacetime.

Though itís not the place or time to tell.
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Old 04-04-2022, 11:03 AM
  #146  
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Red face

What did one atom ask another atom?

"Do these protons make my mass look big?"
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Old 04-06-2022, 01:21 PM
  #147  
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Olbers' Swiss Cheese Paradox

Swiss cheese has lots of holes.

The more holes you have, the less cheese you have.

The more cheese you have, the more holes you have.

Thus, the more cheese you have, the less cheese you have.
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Old 04-07-2022, 12:30 PM
  #148  
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Have you heard of the paper airplane paradox?

It doesn't matter how fast it's moving, it'll still be stationery.
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Old 04-07-2022, 12:33 PM
  #149  
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Why can't you trust a lithium Ion battery?
Because they're always li-ion!
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Old 04-09-2022, 12:04 PM
  #150  
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Cool

The name's Bond.
Covalent Bond. Shared, not taken.
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