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Old 07-05-2021, 11:38 AM
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Don Sims
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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00

Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.

The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.

The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that this one cost $1000.00,…

because it can do everything the other monkey can do plus he knows the Unix operating system.

Naturally the increasingly startled man asks about the third monkey to be told that it costs $ 2000.00

Needles to say this begs the question.

What can it do?

To which the owner replies:

“To be honest I have never seen him do a thing but the other two call him BOSS.”
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Old 07-05-2021, 11:43 AM
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In the jungle a hyena was talking to a monkey. He said to the monkey "You see that big clump of trees over there?"

The monkey says "Yes, what about them?"

"Well, I go through there every day to get home, I don't have to, it's just a shortcut," said the hyena

"Alright, so?" asked the monkey

The hyena says "Well every time I go through there, this lion jumps out, grabs me by the leg and starts swinging me around and whacking me against the trees and the ground, then he leaves. I don't know why he picks on me like that, maybe he just thinks it's funny."

The monkey says "I'm sorry to hear that, tell you what, I'll walk home with you and if the lion shows his face, I'll protect you."

The hyena smiles and asks "Really? You'd do that?"

The monkey says "Yes!"

They shake hands and walk through the trees. Halfway to the hyena's home, the lion jumps out, grabs the hyena and starts swinging him around while the monkey runs up a tree. The lion whacks the hyena against the trees and the ground before going away, leaving the hyena on his back. The monkey comes down and stands next to the hyena.

The hyena looks up at the monkey and asks "What happened? I thought you were gonna help me!"

The monkey says "I was, but when I looked down, you were laughing so much, I thought you were winning!"
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Old 07-07-2021, 01:10 AM
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Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those as$holes at Home Depot ever deliver the f#cking sheet rock..."
Kind of brings a tear to the eye !
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Old 07-07-2021, 02:59 AM
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LOLOL
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